Tonight, Belen and I made our routine, not-so-quick, trip to Wal-Mart. Wherever we go, it is inevitable that someone will make a comment about how lovely she is. Belen seems to catch the attention of many. There have been a few times that the looks were more a form of indifference or even nonacceptance. My view is that is their choice and loss, and I go on about my business. Tonight, proved to be something we have not experienced as a family...Filthy, Disgusting, Vile RACISM.
Belen and I passed a couple with a new born when turning down an aisle, when I realized that was not the aisle I needed. That meant we ran into the couple again immediately only to hear filthy, disgusting, vile words spoken by the man about my family. To be honest, my first reaction was confusion. Within a split second, my confusion turned to anger. As I continued to shop and sort out what had just happened, Baby Girl and I ran into them again. This time, this vile human being began to speak the same words directly in front of us until the woman told him to stop. Some of you reading this will think I am exaggerating when I say I felt such an evil presence about him, but it is true. He is an evil, vile, despicable human being, and I truly felt that presence. I should have kept walking, but the protector in me stopped, clinched my teeth, and glared. If he would have said one more word, I felt I was going to hit him. Even though Belen could not have realized what was happening, I still felt he was attacking my child, and I was not going to let that happen.
This incident occurred about 2 hours ago, but I still feel extremely sick to my stomach. I think I had prepared myself as best as I could for the indifference and the nonacceptance, but not for complete, utter hatred. Does anyone have any advice, a website, or reading material, that I could use to help me better handle myself in these situations? I know one book I am going to pick up as soon as I finish this post. Right now, because of my feelings toward that man, I need the Word to consume me.
I am sorry you had to go through that Cassie. What's sad about that situation is that person is really lost. Even if they were to say they were a Christian I would question that b/c being a follower of Christ means loving unconditionally and what you experienced was not love. As hard as it would be pray for that man and his family. The devil would want you to hate him but the bible says resist the devil and he will flee from you. So resist by putting on a face of love and praying for such a lost soul that somehow they might find God's beautiful grace and be spared an eternity of torment. If you can do that those feelings of anger and disgust will flee far from you :) Balen and you my friend are beautiful and God's perfect creations!!! If you're wanting a good adoption book I'm Chocolate, Your Vanilla is a pretty good one. It really helps you work through your own reactions to racism b/c honestly that is where our children will come to be secure in who they are with us. Love and miss you much!! I am praying for you!!!
ReplyDeleteWow, Cassie! I'm so sorry that happened to you. I went on your blog tonight hoping to read some great stories about Balen and I was so sad (and ticked off) when I read this. I have to say I have gotten some unusual stares from people every now and then, but nothing like what you described, so I'm afraid I don't have any great advice. Luckily, most people I have come in contact with just go on and on about how cute Ethan is. What can I say? You're in Hickville, MO. The person that made that comment was definitely an ignorant, redneck, piece of trash!!! (Not nice, I know, but just wanted to give you a little laugh).
ReplyDeleteCassie, I am so sad to hear about this. I know it is an ugly reality and I am bracing for when we will run into it for the first time. Ugh.
ReplyDelete